The first thing you realize when playing a blackjack app is how annoying it is to play without hearing the sound effects if you’re phone is set to vibrate. However, only slightly behind that is when you realize if you were playing at this speed in a real casino, you’d be out of money faster than you could finish a single drink. And this is with all the options the regular games have (double, split, even surrender).

You set your bet and it’s just, bam, bam, one hand after the other. As soon as your done with one hand, you just swipe your thumb or finger and the next hand flies out. There were actually times I didn’t know whether I’d even won the last hand or not. Dangerous way to play.

Of course, on the phone I’m not playing for money, but there are many other ways to play digitally where the action can fly just as fast. And you have to be extremely careful no to get caught up in it all. Even a disciplined player can have a hard time fighting the impulse to keep going. Losing is the worst. 15…hit…bust…OK let’s doing it again. 15…hit…bust…OK let’s….rinse and repeat. You turn into a robot, and it’s scary.

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, especially in a one-on-one blackjack game where the span between deals is so short. In a casino, you get a little time to manage your emotions, to think between hands, to even – gasp – make the call to walk away. But online, or to a lesser degree, on a phone app, that’s almost completely stripped away from you as a player.

See, the Ace isn’t so bad for some reason. You can’t do anything about a blackjack on the deal. But the 10 leaves so many possibilities, ones that are multiplied when you find out what your hand is. With that 10, I never feel comfortable. There are those times where you just know you’re going to lose when you have to hit. Even if you escape without busting, you still feel like you’re going down, and if you’re got a good gut feeling, you’re often right. One of the nasty sinking feelings about playing blackjack.

The strategy chart can be your friend and your enemy here. Statistically, you follow what it tells you. But deep down, every blackjack player has that urge to hit when he or she isn’t supposed to. It’s OK, you can admit it…we know.

Even with an 11 in my hand, the only amount you’re supposed to double against a 10, I don’t feel comfortable. You stand on 17 or on A-8, A-9, A-10. Well, the last two are obvious, and I think once anyone gets to 19, they’re good to go taking their chances against that face card. But a 17? You going to listen to the chart or your gut if you’re staring down a 10 and there are no low cards showing up to that point?

That’s what I thought.

Almost every casino at which you’re going to gamble, either online or in a building, is giving you 3/2 on blackjack. And if you’re playing the table minimum, which is also almost always going to be $5 outside of Freemont Street, then a blackjack offers you a fraction of a dollar as part of your winnings. Well, online that’s no big deal. We’re all just dealing in virtual tallies of dollars and cents anyway, but in an actual casino, 50 cent or quarter chips aren’t as common as a scotch on the rocks these days.

And, if you let a $7.50 bet ride and hit another blackjack, you’re almost certainly going to put the casino in a situation where they’re going to have to round up or down when they pay out your winnings. Which was is fair? Depends, obviously, on which perspective you see it from. Casinos will rarely hand out free money, but some do round up. Most, though, will round down. And you might not think 25 cents makes a difference when you’re already up or down $200, but to the casino, if you take a wild guess that they go through 500 blackjacks a day, you can see why they’d be reluctant to take the charitable route there.

Fair? Debatable. If you know what the rule is before you play and still play, then it’s fair. And since no casino hides its rules, it’s up to you to make sure you’ve studied up.

Could casinos have quarter chips on hand for such situations? Yeah, they could, but from what I understand the average chip costs about 35 cents to make, so they’re probably not going to start cranking these out on a loss just to appeal to the tiny minority who takes offense to being shortchanged on a blackjack bet.
But in this market, where casinos are struggling big time, you might see more rolling the change your way in the next year.

Basic strategy (i.e. the chart cards) does a fine job of telling you what you should do against a particular dealer hand off the deal. But what about deeper into the hands. In the aforementioned case, would you still hit a 12 if it were a 4-card 12? You’re taking a couple more smaller cards out of play here. Does that shift the count enough to affect your routine decision in that scenario?

Of course, being a card counter and being a basic strategy player are two different things, but the principle is the same. And even with a multi-deck game (which most casinos and Web sites are), statistically you don’t have to worry much about busting. Even if you’re paying attention to the other players’ hands and see a growing number of smaller cards, the odds are in your favor.

Now, if you do count cards, a few general blackjack rules are to stand on a 12 vs. a dealer’s deuce if the true count is +3 or more, and stand against a 3 if the true count is one or more. Be careful how much you adhere to this, though, even if you’re a veteran card-counter, as this is a big area where dealers or pit bosses who can spot counters will watch out for. It’s definitely not all about how much you’re betting hand to hand if they see you start standing on certain 12 hands and hitting on others when the dealer’s up-card is the same each time.

When all else fails, if you’re still unsure, make a decisions early on to either go with your gut or go with the card. If you keep flipping back and forth you’ll drive yourself crazy. If you’re going to lose, you might as well lose with some conviction.

The biggest topic of discussion in this area lately is Indian casinos. Since they’re not technically on U.S. soil, regulars start wondering who governs these casinos and what keeps them honest (usually the questions come up after a losing session, but let’s roll with it for the sake of argument here).

Here’s the deal. Indian casinos must pay for their own gaming commission. The staff of which are all salaried by the casinos themselves. Questionable practices right there in my view. You can draw your own conclusions, but when an entity isn’t directly under the law of the government, it’s not something I’d want to risk my own money with.

Also on the list is cruise ships. I hear nothing but complaints about cruise ships. Technically, these things are regulated by the government under which each one is flagged, but when you’re hundreds of miles out to sea and you suspect something…uh…fishy, who are you going to complain to? And worse, how are you going to work out the burden of proof. It’s virtually impossible. There are no laws requiring recorded sessions of gaming, so you can be sure there’d be no documentation of your alleged cheat. Out at sea, playing at tables where the dealers all work and LIVE together….at the very least it makes you suspicious. I, personally, have never run into many problems in a cruise ship (even though I’m smart enough to do minimal gambling on them), so I can’t speak from experience here, only observation.

There are blackjack players out there who play regularly at Indian casinos and swear up and down they’ve never seen them practice anything but ethical gaming top to bottom. They watch them open new decks, shuffle as normal, etc… Yet, there are others who through either research, personal experience or both will tell you flat out that cheating happens, the worst of it when the games aren’t under the direct law of a government agency.

I used to gamble at the two venues in question much more than I do now, and for much the reason I just discussed. A good rule of thumb is this: If you have any doubt as to whether you’re being taken for a ride….why take a chance?

This brings me to the related question of “Do dealers watch for suspicious betting patterns?” Is the guy you’re tipping keeping track of you while you’re trying to keep track of the count? Well, maybe not the dealer. Most dealers can’t count, nor can they really spot many of the tell-tale signs of a counter. They’re too busy – especially the speed dealers – actually dealing the cards and keeping track of paying who won and collective from who lost.

But there are so many other tiers of casino personnel, the dealer should be the last guy you’re worrying about. The pit supervisors, floor managers and cameras all are of more immediate concern. The pit guys are the front line, they’re the ones watching everybody for suspicious activity. I’ve heard of casinos that, when something seems shifty, will send in a specific dealer who specializes in how to count and how to spot those who are counting.

If you do run into one of these dealers, then it could spell trouble. In a normal casino setting, the dealers aren’t really friendly with the pit crews (those guys are watching the dealers as much as they’re watching you), but every so often you’ll get a rogue dealer who wants to kiss these guys’ butt, or even take aim at their job. And there’s no better way to do this than to deliver a potential blackjack card counter right to their doorstep.

So watch out for those dealers. Note shift-change tim intervals, and sit a few hands out when they change. Watch their eyes and what they do, it might provide insight into whether they’re just dealing or trying to keep track of something else, as well.

It’s actually a significant problem for many players, and it gets under my skin just as much as a gabby, annoying girl talking straight through her appetizer at Friday’s while you’re at the next table just trying to relax (no, that’s not a hypothetical situation).

This also plays into appearances, since many of these players are older, overweight and more or less look like they were beat down by life about 5,000 hands ago. So if you saunter in and you’re under 40 and not 300 lbs., they’re going to assume you don’t know what you’re doing. And since they “do” know what they’re doing, it’s their job to correct you when you make a wrong move.

All right, you get the point. So what to do about it? A few solutions:

First, just absorb it for a while, silently, then get up and move to another table. If you wait long enough, these folks will start attacking themselves when they’re not getting anywhere with you. Once this starts up, make a little production of leaving…tip the dealer and offer a little comment like “Good luck with this group.” Top it off with a head-shake smirk combination, and be on your way. They won’t change, but at least you get your message across.

Second, you can start making wrong plays on purpose to irritate them into leaving. It’s not easy to chase off a person who wouldn’t get up unless their stool was on fire or their bladder was literally exploding, but if you like 15 enough times against a dealer’s 4, they’ll leave. Don’t goat them on verbally here. Adding in something like “Why are you still here then?” will likely be taken the wrong way as a challenge. If you continue to ignore, I promise you the bucket will mutter something about “awful, amateur players” and collect his things. Now, if you choose, you can pull out the Pulp Fiction quote and gesture to the waitress. “Garcon, coffee!”

Finally, you could always listen to them and change the way you play. But if you do that, the terrorists win.

At first, this is amusing. You know you didn’t do anything wrong, but casinos being what they are, there’s not really anything you can do about it. The best thing you can do at this point is not make a fuss and get up and go. Any resistance will almost always make you look guilty, and put a big bulls’ eye on your back for the next time you come in – or make it so there won’t be a next time.

Think about this, first. It could be a random test of different players they’ve seen before to see how you react. You can put up a tiny bit of “confused” questioning, but eventually shake your head and get up. If you agree to leave right away without any push back, it appears as though you’re trying to escape quickly without being caught or having your money confiscated. If you put up too much of a fight, you’re going to get yourself banned one way or another.

Oftentimes, the pit boss or whomever approaches you will as you to leave the blackjack tables, but that you’re welcome to play any other game. That’s the backward way of saying they think you’re doing something shifty, but you’re more than welcome to give the casino your money elsewhere in the room.

One other possibility is if you’re been drinking (or even if you haven’t) and you turned into that obnoxious guy or girl who comments on everyone’s play. If you’re that rude, enough complaints will warrant a trip by the staff.

And yet another is that you raised your bets a certain way that caught their eye. The casinos aren’t going to count the way players will, so they’re tracking bet variation or patterns. Even if you’re not counting, this might be a subconscious part of your game, and expose you to increased scrutiny.

But know this, you’re not going to talk your way out of a decision they’ve already made. The casino crew is like a night club bouncer, state senator and drug dealer wrapped into one. They show off their toughness, they’re stubborn and usually don’t research what they stand behind, and they’re sleazy enough that you’d never trust them anyway. So you’re not changing their mind. If they tell you to leave, just leave. There are always other casinos. Better to protect yourself against exposure on future visits when you are going to count.

Different draws attention. Learn it well. Not many people play with black chips (or purple – $500 – chips for that matter), so when it happens, and the reaction from the casino, is such a headache you don’t need that it’s never worth it (not that I can really think of a substantial benefit to playing with $100 chips except you can carry more of them at once). The pit boss will call out that you’re betting black chips in almost every casino – and hey! Who does that put the attention on?

Now, there’s a bit of a catch 22 here. First, you have to be aware of what the table minimum is. If it’s $5, and you’re trying to “blend in” by betting stacks of $5 chips 20-25 high, that’s not exactly going at it incognito. Use common sense, and don’t be greedy. If you’re counting, you should know it’s not a quick win and quit type deal to begin with. This type of stupid move not only draws the eyes of the pit bosses, but it also gets awkward looks and comments from the half-drunk players around you – who are now all doing exactly what you don’t want, which is watching your hand and how you play. If that happens, you’re done at that table (probably that casino) at least for the night.

Betting small chip amounts at a small chip table, or medium chips at a table with a slightly higher minimum is the best approach. $50 bet at a $25 table? You could be anybody. $15 bet at a $5 table? You don’t exist. And stay consistent as much as you can within your betting strategy. Don’t start creeping up toward that big stack just to avoid playing a black chip. The casinos have seen all the tricks before, so the best way to blend in is not to try them. Someone smarter than you has already tried and failed. You can see their fingers on display at the museum of pain in the basement.

Just kidding about that last part…I think.

What is a boxed card in blackjack? Well, as much as we’d like not to believe it, even blackjack dealers are human. And, believe it or not, so are their shoes. Not their crappy loafers, the dealer shoes. And a boxed card is simply a card that’s laying face up in the shoe. The rules are pretty clear and generally universal here. The card is treated as dead and immediately put with the other discards. This doesn’t force a misdeal, mind you. The card is simply removed from live play. Sometimes you can spot these a mile away. I never make the dealer aware of it, though. I like to see how the casino responds (there are always subtle differences).

The rules are the rules, of course, but regular players all have their own take on how things like this (casino errors) should really be handled. Dealer errors go beyond blackjack, but in this situation, getting an ace dumped on your queen, only to be told by the casino it’s being replaced with a five because the casino screwed up, is tough to swallow.

You can count me in the camp that feels the error should be solved in the players’ favor. What does this mean? It would have to result in a choice between that card or a new one, which I understand is a fantasy. The only other option is to award the player a straight win, or a blackjack win if that would’ve been the case. That way it doesn’t affect the other players’ deal (you know some moron would complain about distribution every time), and the player is treated properly for the casino error.

The frustrating part is this can and does happen far too often with certain dealers. Multiple cards per shoe will be boxed, and it’s ridiculous. Casinos expect “professional” behavior out of their customers, and the customers should expect the same level of treatment from them. If you walked into a store and purchased a product that broke on your way out the door, you can bet it’d be replaced on the spot with an equal or better product. You wouldn’t go back to an electronics store with a busted 42″ TV and have it replaced with a 20″. Yes, it’s the same thing.